I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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