To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
