I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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