good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
