I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
