WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
