I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
