I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
