Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
