You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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