it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
