You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
