could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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