I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
