Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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