would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I would fuck him just for his dog
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
