So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
