i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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