if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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