oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
