can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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