Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
