there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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