the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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