wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
