franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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