I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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