I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
