She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
