...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
