i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
