i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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