WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
