the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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