I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
