what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
