dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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