Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
