I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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