you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
