So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
