So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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