I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
