My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
