My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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