You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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