i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
