I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
