I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
