So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
