On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
